The sweetest and most best NFL weekend is upon us people!!!! We have 4, count ’em FOUR awesome games to park ourselves in front of the TV and ogle. Now’s the time to put up or shuttup. Check out my picks against Vegas in this, Dr. Cranfill’s NFL PLAYOFF PREDICTIONS…
New York Jets vs New England Patriots (-9)
The Patriots are a 9!!! NINE point favorite at home. And as well they probably should be seeing as last time these teams met the Patriots ass-waxed the Jets 45-3 in Week 13. Thing is…when you beat the ever livin’ crepes out of somebody, they usually come back with a well-trained vengeance. Kinda like how Daniel-son came back to avenge his bullying at the hands of Kobra Kai at the All Valley Karate Championships. And you remember where Daniel-son was from right? Yep. New Jersey. Take the J-E-T-S to at least cover even if they don’t win the “tournament” outright.
Baltimore Ravens vs Pittsburgh Steelers (-3½)
The other AFC match-up is going to be an out and out BLOODLETTING of a football game. As my boy, TNA Wrestler Jeff Hardy once said, “I give. I give out concussions and they’re f&*#ing free.” And please believe me, some concussions will be given out come Saturday. This game is going to be uglier than Kelly Osbourne was in 2003. If you like violence this is your game. And when it comes to a game of violence, I’ll take hardened steel over some bird Edgar Allen Poe invented. Take the Steelers.
Green Bay Packers vs Atlanta Falcons (-2½)
A little gambling 101 for you. When Vegas makes the home team, which the Falcons are, a less than 3 point favorite, it means Vegas thinks the visitor is the better team. I tend to agree. Especially since there’s been blackbirds falling out of the sky inexplicably for the last month or so? Take the Packers MONEY LINE. It’s a gamble since Atlanta’s been really good at home this year but as they say, “scared money don’t make money.”
Seattle Seahawks vs Chicago Bears (-10)
10 points is a HUGE line for a Divisional Round playoff game. Seattle upset New Orleans last week and caused a minor earthquake in the process. I so wanna take the Seahawks to at least cover but lemme fill you in on a couple friendly bets I made this year involving the Bears. Twice. I made bets with a Bears fan friend of mine this year and both times I lost. We didn’t wager money though, we wagered shots of liquor. Long story short, I had to do a bunch of shots of Jager and I ended up punching a cactus. So, not betting against the Bears again. Take the Bears to cover that huge 10 point spread.
So there they are. My Divisional Round NFL Playoff Picks. Good luck, be smart, and may the Gods of Gambling smile down upon thee this weekend.
(Problem gambling? Dial 1-800-Gambler)