We were glancing through the daily paper when a certain headline caught our eye: “KIM KARDASHIAN AND HUSBAND KRIS HUMPHRIES CALL OFF MARRIAGE AFTER 72 DAYS.

How could that be? There’s gotta be a good reason they’re splitting; They did wed under the pretense that they would uphold the sanctity of marriage, right?

We’re not ones to believe those retched conspiracy theories about Kim Kardashian marrying for money love. After all, their wedding made a profit was a lovely affair. She’s an American icon, a true compass of morality and butts success.

This leads us to believe the only logical explanation:

Kim Kardashian has been called away from Earth and must return to birth planet, the magical land of Phattasse, in order to lead her fish-people in rebellion against the evil King Moreimpor Tanthingstot Alkabout. 

Because cashing in on a marriage/divorce would be a bitch move.


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