5 Reasons We Should All Have X Ray Tech Powers

The first reason most people suggest we should have x-ray tech super powers is as obsolete as it is obvious. For years millions of young boys wasted their allowances and imaginations on ridiculous “X ray specs”, which worked entirely by making things fuzzy and customers too ashamed to complain.

It was a true tragedy, because a teen boy’s imagination is more than capable of generating what he wants to see when it isn’t being distracted by overpriced pieces of cardboard.

But in the age of the Internet, using x ray tech superpowers to see through clothing is a worse idea than setting fire to your own hands to save money for gloves. A vast computer network will offer you all the unclothed other people you could ever need, and real x ray tech vision would only excite someone who had a kink for mummies.

No, the real reasons people should have x ray tech super powers are:

1. Regular health checks

x ray 2 5 Reasons We Should All Have X Ray Tech Powers

Jewish Hospital / Getty Images

X ray machines are incredibly useful diagnostic tools. The massive majority of medical problems are easy to fix as long as you find them early enough, but an x ray machine isn’t something you can just stroll through on your way to work.

The ability to see inside yourself and other people will provide constant updates on any unusual masses or unwanted bunchings of material, allowing you to get medical treatment early.

2. Weight control

Nothing reveals obesity like an x ray.

You might think seeing through the flesh would make it easier to pack on pounds without feeling guilt, but being constantly faced with the scale of the body you’re supposed to have is powerful psychological programming.

Especially as you see the bones bend and thicken under the ever-increasing load. The skeleton is a real load-bearing structure, and when that load gets too much the results aren’t pretty.

x ray 3 5 Reasons We Should All Have X Ray Tech Powers


3. Calming parents

When two people love each other very much they can get together and develop an incredibly powerful case of paranoia, either through reproduction or adoption. Once you have a small child in the house everything smaller than a refrigerator is suddenly a terrifying choking hazard. The ability to simply see whether the child has eaten the horrifying metal object or whether it’s rolled behind the couch (again) will save thousands of hours of stress, panicked driving, and emergency room time.

4. Finding things

X ray tech supervision means nothing need ever be lost down the back of the sofa again. Nor shall they roll under a table, or be kicked into a corner, and it will become entirely impossible to leave keys in a pair of pants before putting them into a laundry machine and making that annoying knock-knock-knocking noise for a full thirty minute spin cycle.

x ray 4 5 Reasons We Should All Have X Ray Tech Powers

David McNew / Getty Images

5. Faster Airports

When everyone can see into and through everything else, world airlines will speed up approximately one million per cent. There will be no need to disrobe and feed every item of your belongings into a very slow conveyor being used by everyone else on the airport. Nor will you have to strip and stand inside a machine specifically designed so that you don’t have to strip, just because a security agent hasn’t read the instructions and enjoys the feeling of power. This alone means x ray tech super powers would make the world a better place.


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