Things You Should Not Spend $1000 On – Zombie Survival Artillery

It’s only a matter of time before the dead rise and start to munch on our brains, right? By that logic, spending your $1000 of JACK CASH on zombie extermination devices is an unquestionably good decision. We’ve picked out the crème de la crème of supplies that will help you fight off the living dead.

1. A Machete

machete small Things You Should Not Spend $1000 On   Zombie Survival Artillery


In the midst of a zombie apocalypse, you might find yourself up close and personal with a zombie. Or a hundred zombies. A nice sharp machete will absolutely come in handy in close combat. Lopping off those snarling heads in one fell swoop has never been easier. Kill the brain, kill the beast! A nice machete runs about $30 online.

2. A Crossbow

crossbow small Things You Should Not Spend $1000 On   Zombie Survival Artillery


We’ve learned from our favorite Z-centric television program The Walking Dead that gunfire is discouraged as much as possible in the event of an outbreak. It attracts zombies! Their reptilian brain is hyper-sensitive to sound. We think that you should go rogue or go home. A crossbow is the perfect weapon to silently snipe with. Also, arrows are reusable if you can stomach pulling one out of a zombie head… We think $500 is a steal for a top-of-the line crossbow online. $200 gets you 50 extra arrows.

3. A Chainsaw

chainsaw small Things You Should Not Spend $1000 On   Zombie Survival Artillery

Oli Scarff / Getty Images

How else are you going to be the spitting image of Ash from Evil Dead? A chainsaw ensures maximum gore with minimum effort. It’s also useful for cutting things other than limbs and heads! Two for one! $350 a pop isn’t bad for the peace of mind you’ll have when you know your equipped with an amazingly violent killing machine.

There you have it! An artillery that will fend off any brain-eater that comes your way! All for around $1000!


One Comment

  1. bluesville says:

    The songs are not really free Jack because it takes money to run the radio with electricity in order to bring the signal in so we can listen to those songs for not free. It costs money from us, the listeners. Does that make sense?

  2. Tina says:

    Is this a repeat story?

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