Universe Tries To Create Delicious Bacon Whiskey Via Truck Collision

You see. Dreams really do come true. The Secret was right. If you try to manifest something hard enough, it can come true. A mansion? Sure, maybe in twenty-something years. A hot wife? That’s easy. Just get the mansion first. But bacon-whiskey?

Sounds like a pipe dream, right? Don’t worry. The powers that be know what’s up. That’s why the universe created a collision with a pig truck and a whiskey truck in Nanyan, Henan, China. Instant bacon whiskey. Thanks universe.

A truck of 200 pigs met hundreds of whiskey bottles and what occurred was some sort of Murakami-esque magic. (He’s a writer, look it up.)

In another feat of magical realism, many of the aforementioned pigs, once off to the slaughter house, not only survived the crash with their freedom, but wandered off into the rural area, possibly with bottles of whiskey in hand, and disappeared.

“There were crops planted along the roadside and many of the pigs made straight for them and simply disappeared,” said a policeman who spoke to the Austrian Times.

So, we spoke too soon. Our dreams of bacon whiskey are still foiled. Until we find those drunken pigs.

–Nadia Noir-JACK FM, Los Angeles


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