Jacked Up News: Bacon/Pork Shortage Confirmed, Welcome To Doomsday

There are certain things in life that just have automatic power and wrath over you, and bacon is one of them. No matter how hard you try, your lust for bacon causes you to be a bacon slut. You are not alone.

Fortunately this won’t be an issue for much longer because our supply of bacon and pork is DECREASING, possibly NEVER TO RETURN.

This is not laughing matter. Survival of the thickest.

Within the next year, a massive shortage of pork and bacon will occur. Therefore we must go back to our hunting and gathering way of life. Bow and arrow and loin cloth and all.

How are all the honeys going to praise their man for bringing home the bacon if there’s no bacon to bring home? It’s a shame.

According to the LA Times, an industry trade group claimed that there will be an unavoidable shortage of America’s favorite meat. A decrease in feed to the herds providing this delicious mouthwatering food, was a main factor to this shortage.

Want bacon people? Then stop dehydrating precious mother earth. The corn and soybean crops have suffered from a drought, resulting in a loss of feed for the little piggies.

Drought or bacon? You choose, and choose wisely would ya? We’re expecting some bacon to show up at our dumpy little building for informing you of this tragic upcoming world issue.

Krista Blore, 93.1 Jack FM


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