Who doesn’t love a moron? They make us feel way better about ourselves as human beings. Like this teenager in New York who is becoming a viral video sensation for ingesting 77 bazillion gazillion germs by licking a New York City subway handrail for a dollar. This is the most grotesque version of a triple dog dare we’ve ever seen.

We’d rather go streaking through a church than become intimate with the bacteria of millions of New Yorkers and tourists who use the city’s infamously skanky metro system every day. If you’ve never been to New York, just imagine the most hot and humid summer day possible, combine that with hundreds of people for every ride, all dripping sweat on each other while they wait for a 20-minute late train.

Times that experience by 1,000 and that is riding the subway in New York.

There are some things we do think might be just as bad as licking a New York City Subway Handrail. Here’s our list. Add to it if you like. We’re sure you’ve licked some questionable things in your day, JACK FM listeners.

1) Hollywood club bathroom counters. Just imagine how many lines of illegal recreational drugs were cut on these and/or drunken party girls have puked all over them? In fact, all bar bathrooms are just puke memorials. Never forget that.

2) JACK FM. We’re pretty gross. Many of us haven’t showered since Ronald Reagan was in office.

3) A public payphone, although rare in these parts, are now just receptacles for trash or much-coveted cans of 4loko from 2010.

4) A young child. Even though a subway handrail “has many as 300,000 microbes,” we’re pretty sure one young child under five-years-old has more germs than all the adults in New York combined.

5) Your laptop keyboard. This should be self-explanatory considering all the things we’ve seen you do with our telepathy. Wow, does your mom know you look at those kind of things?

–Nadia Noir, CBS Radio Los Angeles


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