You should see the writer’s meetings we have at JACK FM. Okay, they aren’t exactly meetings; they’re more like a high school cafeteria with people yelling across cubicles instead of lunch tables that happen randomly throughout the day. But we digress.
It is during these “meetings” that one subject of hot debate always comes up: which are better, stories about sharks or stories about bigfoot?
“Sharks are real. They bite people,” quips someone. “But bigfoots are big. And hairy,” shouts another. “I like turtles,” is heard from the back isle.
(Look, we’re not hosting a symposium over here. Have you seen our bathroom situation?)
But, after many minutes of half-hearted discussion, the debate may finally be over. Why is that? Because there’s finally scientific proof that bigfoots may actually exist.
Enter veterinarian and genetic researcher Melba. S. Ketchum, who has over 30 years experience in genetic research and forensics, according to the Huffington Post. Working with DNA Diagnostics in Nacogdoches, Texas, Ketchum has examined more than 100 DNA samples—hair, blood, saliva, and urine–that were taken from alleged bigfoot encounters. After a five year study, her team reached the stunning conclusion that bigfoots are, in fact, real.
The results have yet to be verified independently by other researchers, but the complete findings are expected to be published shortly in an academic journal, where it can be analyzed by other experts.
But here at JACK FM, we’re excited because we can finally say, “BOOM! In your face shark people!” Because, you know, that’s what’s really important.