Welcome to the modern era. There was once a time when swashbuckling, sword swinging pirates had hooks for hands, wore eye patches, and had a parrot perpetually sitting on their shoulders.

Back then, when a pirate retired, it usually meant they dug up their buried treasure (after avoiding all the booby-traps, of course) and sailed off to pirate island where they partied with wenches and drank rum for the rest of their lives.

So what do pirates do nowadays? They hold a press conference like they’re Michael frickin’ Jordan or something.

That’s what Somali pirate Mohamed Abdi Hassan, AKA Afweyne or “Big Mouth” did, reports “Big Mouth?” Seriously? That’s not even a pirate name! Well a pirate he is, or was, that is, for the past eight years.

But pirating ain’t easy, we suppose, which led to Hassan calling it quits. In fact 2012 marked the lowest number of pirate attacks in years. The drop in numbers is due to increased coordination between navies as well as increased security on ships, according to

Some of Hassan’s more memorable heists allegedly include a Saudi owned supertanker in 2008 and a Ukrainian ship in 2009 that netted him millions of dollars in ransom money.

No word on what “Big Mouth” plans to do now that he’s no longer pirating. No words on when his jersey will be retired either.

– Carlos Delgado, CBS Radio


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