Don’t have someone to shower with overpriced roses, mediocre chocolate-covered strawberry bouquets, or trashy lingerie that will be used once, maybe twice this year?

According to the heartbroken platitudes of the rock gods, it might be a good thing that stupid Cupid hasn’t poked you with his poison-tipped love arrow.


He was cryin’ when he met her and now he’s cryin’ since she left. Really, it doesn’t seem like this “love lost” is the girl’s problem, but rather deep-seeded psychological issues that Steven Tyler needs to work through before he can move on.

“I Used To Love Her”Guns ‘N Roses

Even though this song is about loving a woman and then killing her, it’s pretty funny when Axl Rose sings “but I can still hear her complain.” Maybe he should have just divorced her instead of burying her in his backyard, but love is strange that way. Can’t live without them, can’t let them live.

“You Oughta Know”-Alanis Morissette

Probably the angriest love song of all time, allegedly this song was written about Uncle Joey (Dave Collier) from television comedy Full House. One day he “cut” Miss Morissette out of his life and now he has a perpetual reminder of how he screwed her over. Not just when she scratches her nails down somebody else’s back, but when every girl ever sings this song at karaoke.

“Somebody Kill Me”Adam Sandler

Not officially a song, but it’s pretty awesome when Adam Sandler apologizes for the morbid content of the song because he’s been listening to a lot of Cure.

“The One I Love”-R.E.M

Listen closely to this song and you’ll understand just how much of a jerk Michael Stipe is. Love turns us all into raging meanies at one time or another. The irony of this radio hit turned mainstream love song is that it’s actually an anti-love song. “The One I Love” is about being manipulative and using people hence the lyric “a simple prop to occupy my time.”

“Love Hurts”Nazareth

“Love is just a lie to make you feel blue.” Nazareth’s “Love Hurts” is very young love, teenage angsty making it the perfect song to belt out between the ages of 15 and 25 before you start to get numb and bitter. Don’t worry kids, it gets better. You stop feeling things.

“Love Stinks”-J.Geils Band

“Love Stinks” is pretty self-explanatory. No matter how hard you try to evade the abusive call of love, it will always drag you back in just to break your heart again.

“Bigmouth Strikes Again”The Smiths

This song is sarcastic and pretty self-effacing in true Morrissey form, but one thing we learned is that no matter how much someone says they’re joking about smashing every tooth in your head or being bludgeoned in your bed and the fiery embarrassment they feel, there is some twisted truth in statements like that. Sounds like a regular marriage to us. Ain’t love grand?

“Love Bites”- Def Leppard

Not only does love bite, according to Def Leppard, but being with someone who is self-absorbed or distant in a one-sided relationship is “hell.”

“Don’t Think Twice, It’s Alright“-Bob Dylan

This song is Bob Dylan’s passive-aggresive  “screw you” to “a child” who mangled his heart and “could have done better.” At the end, it seems like this unlucky lady is trying to salvage the relationship, but Dylan blows her off in progressively harsher ways throughout the song, ultimately delivering the scathing remark of “you just kind of wasted my precious time.”

“Black”-Pearl Jam

“The song is about letting go,” said Eddie Vedder in the Pearl Jam 20 documentary. “It’s very rare for a relationship to withstand the Earth’s gravitational pull and where it’s going to take people and how they’re going to grow. I’ve heard it said that you can’t really have a true love unless it was a love unrequited. It’s a harsh one, because then your truest one is the one you can’t have forever.”

And on that depressing note, Happy Valentine’s Day!

–Nadia Noir, CBS Radio Los Angeles


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