You’re in Maine. Why are you in Maine? Who knows; you’re weird like that. But while in Maine, you stop at convenience store. You buy some water perhaps, maybe some chips. A pack of gum. You get the point. And as you approach the counter, you notice the cute cashier behind the register.

This is where things can get a little weird. If you’re anything at all like JACK FM, you’re probably broke, and due to a lack of any marketable skill (seriously, we don’t even have DJs), your only prayer at financial success is to win the lottery. It’s at this point when you walk up to said cute cashier and utter, “Can I have a Kwikie?”

What’s that? You do that already? Creep. Well at least in Maine you have a valid excuse to say something that scum-baggy. And by the way, take off your sunglasses while you’re inside.

The state of Maine has just launched a new line of scratchers called “Kwikies,” and yes, it sounds dirty. Confused? This may clear things up for you.

It’s causing a stir because of the other quickie, which can make shopping at a convenience store sound more like visiting a brothel.

The state of Maine, however, contends the name has nothing to do with sex. According to, Gerry Reid, director of the Maine Bureau of Alcoholic Beverages and Lottery Operations had this to say to the Bangor Daily News:

The benefit of buying this ticket is that it’s quick, easy and fun. That’s what an instant ticket is.

Right. Unfortunately, Mr. Reid isn’t behind the counter sounding like he’s getting propositioned for sex every 5 minutes, or vice versa.

What do you think, should Maine consider renaming the ticket?

– Carlos Delgado, CBS Radio


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