10 Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Be Jealous Of Your Friends At Coachella

It seems like the new favorite thing for people not going to Coachella is to whine about all the reasons why Coachella is gross. We could defend the drugged-out desert dancefest that features musical favorites like Red Hot Chili Peppers, Wu Tang Clan, The Stone Roses, OMD, Violent Femmes and New Order.

Or we could give you a bunch of totally valid excuses why Coachella kind of sucks. Although we bet if someone gave you free wristbands, you’d still go. Oh the irony.

  • Last weekend, the grounds became a giant dust bowl. This week people sound like they’ve contracted consumption in a Victorian garret.
  • Old bands make you feel old. Naked young people make you feel old…and disgusting naked.
  • The potential for sunstroke, especially since you haven’t gotten a proper base tan since 1996 or kept yourself properly hydrated since you were weaned off the teat.
  • Spending tons of money to get inebriated only to sweat out your $12 cocktail thirty minutes later.
  • Spending tons of money period.
  • Not handling drugs the same way you did when you were 22.
  • Parking.
  • Watching talented new rock artists is fun, but you have to dodge people dressed like steampunk flower fairies.
  • Not just that, but you have to be around people. Period.
  • You’ll miss Game of Thrones and Mad Men.

–Nadia Noir, CBS Radio Los Angeles


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