A small world just got a little smaller

It’s a problem we’ve all faced. After weeks of planning, you and a group of friends finally make the trek to a theme park to enjoy some thrill rides, only to be thwarted by the ridiculously long lines. With waits that can be hours longs, your day is reduced to standing around in the sun and only about, oh, 5 minutes total of actual ride time. Sucks right?

Well luckily for us rich Manhattan Moms have come up with a solution we can all use: hire your own personal handicapped tour guide.

Why you ask? Because places like Disney World allow handicapped guests to use a “more convenient entrance,” one that doesn’t have a line. But here’s the loophole: Disney World also allows said handicapped guest to bring up to six additional guest to join them in line, which means you, your tour guide, and your family don’t have to wait in line anymore!

It gets better! Hiring your own handicapped tour guide is way cheaper than the VIP packages Disney already offers. Disney World’s VIP Tours can cost over $3000 for an 8 hour day, but, according to the New York Post, your own handicapped tour guide only costs just over $1000 for the same amount of time. Score!

So how do you sign up for this great deal? First you have be a member of Manhattan’s upper crust. The service is by referral only, so you have to know who to talk to. You can read all about it in social anthropologist Dr. Wednesday Martin’s new book, Primates of Park Avenue. Dr Martin, the scientist who discovered the scam, err, deal, said, “It’s insider knowledge that very few have and share carefully.”

Once you get your hands on this deal, you’re never going back. As one rich and classy Manhattan Mom so eloquently put it, “You can’t go to Disney without a tour concierge. This is how the 1 percent does Disney.”

– Carlos Delgado, CBS Radio


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