By Jordy Altman

3D Printing is an amazing new technology that allows users to print three-dimensional models of their digital designs. Whatever the mind can make up is scanned to the printer’s memory, and then a printing arm lays down and fuses multiple layers of plastics, sheet metals, and liquid powders to create brilliant solid objects.

As it turns out, these powerful machines aren’t just exclusive to the Science Community. 3D Printers are available to the general public, and we have already started printing plenty of pizzas and dirty jokes.

Here are the weirdest things we’d print if we got our hands on a 3D printer:

1. The Nine Iron Throne – Before your next round of golf, take a seat in your giant one-of-a-kind Iron Throne made of Nine Irons, Wedges, and Putters. It’s a great way to psyche yourself up for war victory. Note: you may want to print a caddy to help you walk around your Game of Thrones homage around the golf course.

2. Famous guitars from the last 100 yearsPrince’s Cloud Guitar, BB King’s Lucille, Jack White’s 1964 JB Hutto Montgomery Ward Airline Guitar… take your pick. Actually, don’t take your pick, because you can have them all! With a 3D printer, you can print a working six-string guitar in any shape or size. Print all of your favorites and line your basement walls to make your buddies seethe with jealousy.

3. A six-inch pianist – Next time you tell this joke at the bar, really hit it home by pulling the punchline out of your pants pocket.

4. Missing socks – Aren’t you sick and tired of socks going missing from the dryer? Not anymore, because your 3D printer can reunite your lonely sock with a flawless clone. Whether it’s your blue athletic sock, a green pinstripe knee-high, the black ankle socks with the cool racing stripe, or even those boring, old gold toes, you won’t need to worry about ragtag socks littering your house.

5. Trending Hashtags with Sharp Edges – Show your friends how hip and savvy you are by leaving dangerous 3D models of trending hashtags all around your house. Did your brother’s annoying new girlfriend spill a drink at your sister’s quinceañera? Make an example and throw your two-foot “#Partyfoul” model at her stupid face. Your rug will be a spotless masterpiece, and you will be the #lifeoftheparty.

6. Alex Trebek’s Mustache – Alex’s mustache may be gone from his face, but that doesn’t mean that it’s gone from our hearts. Print off a couple hundred of these bad boys and pass them out at your next dinner party. Feeling smarter already?

7. A Tiny Tattoo Parlor – Tired of bland, boring fruit? Stop thinking so small! Stick a banana in your tiny tattoo parlor and make that breakfast POP! Complete with working tattoo gun, you can ink all sorts of food, Barbie dolls, carpenter ants, handbags…

8. Aggro Crag – It’s a lot harder to win a game show after it’s been off-air for 18 years. But who says you need gold from a discontinued Nickelodeon game show to own a piece of the Aggro Crag? We have GUTS and we can prove it by overcoming obstacles (inserting a printer cartridge) and persevering to the finish (waiting for it to stop printing). Place your piece of emerald space rock on your mantle and bask in the warm glow of 3D victory.

9. Another 3D Printer – Print everything on this list TWICE! And once your done, print another pair of 3D printers and start all over again. Infinite printers… infinite possibilities… infinite power! Makes a great Christmas gift.


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