By Jordy Altman

That’s one lumpy football.

A Detroit man is facing at least fifteen years in prison for hurling a contraband-stuffed football into a state prison yard in Jackson, Mich. The football was a smuggling device, devised to relay heroin, marijuana, tobacco, three cell phones and chargers to inmates exercising in the yard. However, the football came up short and landed between two fences, right in front of a correction officer performing a perimeter patrol.

Not only did the Hail Mary fail to make it into the End zone, but one prison officer saw the play breakdown in front of him while walking through the prison parking lot.

“After observing the passenger exit the vehicle and throw the football, our officer ran towards the vehicle and drew his Taser and told the driver to stop, which he did,” said Russ Marlan, a spokesman for the Michigan Department of Corrections.

The man is now charged with crimes related to:
• Delivery of Schedule I drugs
• Smuggling cell phones to prisoners
• Smuggling illegal contraband
• Having bad form when throwing the long ball

As of Tuesday, the criminal has been arraigned, but it is not clear whether he was free on bond. If we had to venture a guess… probably not. If we’ve learned anything from binge-watching “Orange Is The New Black”, smuggling drugs into a prison never ends well.

Kudos for creativity, though. Maybe we’ll see his story unfold in a “The Longest Yard” spinoff.


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