Kelvin Benjamin, Heath Miller, Mike Tolbert, and Adrian Peterson? VERY FUNNY. None of those guys are even playing this week you disembodied jerk. Panthers and Steelers are both on byes and AP is on extended timeout in Roger Goodell’s punishment dungeon.  AND you didn’t even have the decency to bake me any cookies.  How bad was I last week though? On the Clooney/Clint Howard scale (pretty to ugly) it was 4-1 Clint’s.

the George Clooney’s
Jordan Matthews WR (Phi)- 5 catches, 107 yards, 1 TD (19pts)

the Clint Howard’s
Teddy Bridgewater QB (Min)- 158 passing yards, 1 TD, 1 INT (9 pts)
Jonathan Stewart RB (Car)-39 total yards, O TD (5pts)
Austin Seferian Jenkins TE (TB)- 1 single measly catch (1pt)
Vikings DST- (4pts)

I don’t care what the oracle said, I am the ONE and if you stick to my Week 12 picks, by the time Monday Night Football is finished we’ll all be feeling as “right as rain. ”

Week 12 picks
*Disclaimer: I shouldn’t need to tell you to start guys like Peyton Manning, Andrew Luck or Ricky Proehl. The players I mention here are bench, free agent types that could help you thru your bye weeks and injuries*

1) Josh McCown QB (TB)- I shoulda stuck with McCown last week. I had him chosen at first then that stupid cymbal playing monkey changed my mind. Moral of the story is, stick with your gut kids. How can your gut be wrong when that’s where macaroni and cheese goes to live? AMIRIGHT? Go with McCown this week if you need emergency help at QB. Having Mike Evans certainly doesn’t hurt his chances for points.

2) Cecil Shorts III WR (Jax)-Yeah Shorts has been semi-startable all year long and yeah the Jags should be passing a lot this week to keep up with the Colts but in all honesty…..the only reason I am taking Shorts this week is to I can make Salute My Shorts references all weekend. I don’t know about you guys but I kinda miss Donkey-Lips. Cecil should be a nice Flex/WR2 for you this week.

3) Kenny Stills WR (NO)-With Saints #1 WR Brandon Cooks now out for the year you would ASSUME Stills is due for increased opportunity. Especially since opposing defenses should now be super keyed on Saints TE Jimmy Graham. Week 12’s a big opportunity for Stills, hopefully he wont Munson it.

4) Marcedes Lewis TE (Jax)-Huge target coming back from injury on a team that throws a ton because it gets down early. I like Marcedes a lot this week. I know with UCLA and USC playing on Saturday it might be tough for some of you Trojans to trust this former Bruin, but you could do way worse than Marcedes at TE in Week 12. COUGH, JORDAN REED, COUGH COUGH.

5) Rams DST-How many hours across the league you think were spent this week watching the game tape of the Rams holding Peyton and the Broncos to 7 points in Week 11?  Actually, the Rams have been a solid Fantasy DST for the last three weeks now. And with games coming up against a hobbled Phillip Rivers, an anemic Raiders offense and whatever that lactating pile of garbage is in D.C., the Rams are a nice play for the next few weeks.


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